~A True Princess Story~

2007-11-07T21:22:00.000+08:00

i've moved :D goodbye dear blogspot. you've been good ((:

2007-11-05T11:41:00.000+08:00

$#!@##*)!$*(&^*(@&^()(^**^*%^&%&*(#*&*(@^%&^%#&%)(*$(@&$%(@*$@*^%&%@%!$*@*(&^*^*^#@

lk FCUKING BITCH luhh. seriously, i feel like comitting hara-kiri. wad i did was equally suicidal. no lame shit as excuse, it was plain SILLY, STOOPID and NONSENSE. now, bear the heartache and disappointment. well, u can relive the moment wen u sit for it again next year. I SOO DESERVE THAT!im friggingly disgusted with myself. mite as well i shove the ignited bunsen burner down my throat. i bet that would be less painful then this. DAMMNIT BITCHH! urr sucha disppointment.HOW TO GET A NOW!!! nur sakinah nasiha, ur a LET DOWN. gaah!

anw. dear cute private candidate :) thanks for appearing when i least expect. as distracting as u are, ALWAYS minggling near my class, and taking the same papers that i do. thank god im in the last class so i get to sit with the private candidates.we shall have coffee after this whole nightmare is over. ohh, and after i get thru my depression.

i always get depression after sitting for chem paper 3. thats because urr plain stoopid. BITCHH.

2007-10-26T19:52:00.000+08:00

if anything, words spoken these past few days is giving me the creeps, DEJA-VU. puhlease, no more. i've had enuff of tears of agony and the annoying incessant guilty voice in me. my paucity of feelings rite now doesn make me immune to the nonsense that's stirring up. imannya kuat, steady luhh pak haji. go figure!

for the _______ times

2007-10-22T18:25:00.000+08:00

SUDDENLY. i was attacked by labour pains. like OMG. opps, just cramps. nevertheless, i was walking as though i was in the last week of gestation, while trying to maintain that air of nonchalance. WHATEVER nana. worst attack so far. anyway, this what happened during the festive season....

FOR THE TIMES I COUNT MY BLESSINGS...

FOR THE TIMES IM SURROUNDED BY LOVE...

ohh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAIZ DEAR!

lets take driving test in a month's time. VROOM...

confused; puzzled; etc..

2007-10-16T00:19:00.000+08:00

dear dina and fuzz, im alive and kicking. well barely alive,at least.

ohh, remind me that i have a life, friends and family that still needs attention. the world does not revolve around me alone. yes, i know that. but cut me some slack. im only trying to make my life better. im sorry if i shut out every single person. i know im shutting out pple. sorry my sweets. next time, i promise. give me 6 more weeks. then we'll do the usual star-gazing, lunch date, and wadeva nonsense that we used to.

ohh guess whatt. im back to that old comtemplating, second-guessing girl. in short, confused. thank god for A levels. at least i dont have to think about it. ahh, blessing in disguise.

last, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

2007-09-28T17:24:00.000+08:00

reading fadz's blog = reading some political essay *:*(my FUZZY face, cute rite?) totally get the meaning of FUZZY thoughts. HAHA.

reading dina's tagboard = reading OPEN mengumpats about ME. THANKS UHH. next time we meet, both of youu can talk about me in FRONT of me. lol.

ps, dina & fadz, i love both of your analysis about urr ketiaks, but not on my tagboard puhlease. don't pollute my tagboard. HAHAHA

reading faiz's sms = AWWW. 'hurry and finish ur exam, den we go crazy okay.' YAY faiz. i CANT wait to see what your crazy ideas are.

ohh. now i need to get pink(again!) kurung because sue and ibu has pink ones. now i can go shopping! :D

classic moments

2007-09-25T09:37:00.000+08:00

i was rummaging through my old stuff and came across dozens of old pictures. not exactly old, when i was im secondary school. i cant believe 2 years passed. yet, every picture carries a disticnt memory of what happened during that moment. i swear we've evolved from being ugly ducklings to almost gorgeous swans. HAHA. faiz has grown at least 10 inches taller, now that he's taller than me. ifa remains as the queen bee, while dina definitely gained some weight. and i lost alot. HAHA. hasif's hairstyle has taken a turn for the better.

racial harmony 2003.don't we look immature and sooo young. HAHAHAHAHA. tis pic is FUNNEH. ohh, ifa's whinning because faiz refuses to count 1,2,3 properly before snapping the photo resulting in us looking dreadful. HAHAHAHA

look! its us in 2003. that's a good 4 years back. ohh, we went out during chinese new year. and most of the shops were close -___-

modern day beauties. HAHA. god! how we change.

and i realise i've never had a bff like how dina has ifa and ifa has dina. its nice to have a bff like that but im happy with what i have. well, i have maria now. and dina and ifa will always be my numero uno girlfriends. like how, im proud that ifa made it to be flying with silkair. she may not know this, but im really,really proud of her. i remember those days when we were in sec 2, we use to hangout at each others place after school. and during my bdae that year, ifa bought a cake and used wooden splint as candles! HAHAHAHAHA. ohh, and there was this phase, when all of us were head over heels wif this HOT sec 4 chinese guy from kak amalina's class, cheeang rite? god, tt's classic. and how we open up to each other at mac. they were really there for me through thick and thin ( okayy, its starting to sound cheesy!)

ohh, NOW, the boys ( hasif and faiz ) are playing hide and seek. mane korang?!

2007-09-24T19:00:00.000+08:00

dearest maria made my day by getting an A for maths paper 1, beating life-long nemesis: MEGATRON! in the end, she got a B. and surprise surprise, i got a C! as they say, there's a first time for everything, so my VERY first pass for maths. CONGRATULATION pretty :D and i managed to squeeze out a B3 for chemmy love, despite horrendous paper 3. mar & i kinda swap grades: she got B for maths and a C for chem while i got C for maths and B for chem. so we're called the CB duo. puhlease, its CHIO BU duo. at least not according to zul!

zul : wahh. B & C seyy!
nana : smiles sheepishly
zul : yah CB for c*** b**
nana : smacks zul

now, fauzi wants an A for sastera -___- we'll see. OHH and gp. gp, gp...

2007-09-23T17:48:00.000+08:00

forever 21 totally had me. i'll never ever enter that shop again. its addictive. don't ask how much i spent there, a near miss of $100 :D. plus topshop jerseyS. all in ONE afternoon. but then again, shopping's therapeutic. i get to destress, if only for awhile. and so now as the story goes, im BROKE. don't ask me out on a date(DINA!).

friday's madness. that's what you'll get when u put 4 equally GORGEOUS and WITTY and BANYAK MULUT girls together *wonders how fadz tahan us all. even though the strength of perbayu MINAHS dwindled to a pathetic 4, it was a good representation of the minahs. gossip sessions is a MUST-HAVE, plus the usual guy-watch. even though mother kept going cheh! because the guys were not in her target age group -___- i hope u'll be happy with john-john. HAHA. ohh, phee was ustazah for the day, even though what came out from her mouth were far far away from being saint(!). and syimah was.... syimah.

ask me how i fell in love...

2007-09-23T17:29:00.000+08:00

9 Words Women Use

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying FCUK YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

2007-09-13T10:47:00.000+08:00

nothing beats this disappointment. NOTHING. what a failure.

2007-09-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

something slenge:
nana: help me buy contact lens. btw. 'ur maths paper' makes or make?
mar : i'll buy ltr. paper is one, so its makes darl
nana: see. MACAM MANE AKU TAK FAIL GP?!
mar : sialla. i thot you were mer(her bf). STOP INVADING MY INBOX.
-___- god, what is happening to her. she cant even differentiate NANA and AAMEER.

for updates on teacher's day celebration, click on DINAA. HAHA. *dina dearest, i malas nak update. so THANK YOUU :DD ily

and i miss this orang:MUHAMMAD FADZLI. i miss him analizing my mental retardness at 19:07. i miss reading his love letters (from his students). AND i miss his blue adidas jacket!! fadz, mane kau pegi??!!

see. he's analyzing my mental retardness. he's ALWAYS doing tt.

sue: kakak, can u puhlease stop staring into space.
nana: IM NOT!'
sue: yes u are. and u haven even met him. I HAVE!
nana: SHADDUP!
pfuit! not fair. im still in daze- still about youu.

2007-08-30T15:59:00.000+08:00

something nice:
i miss my sayangs. because faiz msged me at 11:57pm! asal tak nak 12am skali? HAHA. and that just to ask how am i doing now. AWWW. so sweet. unfortunately, i was dead to the world owing to the fact that im sitting for my GP prelim(!) today. he has decided to be my pakar motivasi. can faiz, anything. HAHA. ohh, i miss u too didoom.

something stoopid:
nana : eyy, look at my eyebags. i look lyk shit rite?
zul : shit? tts an understatement. *kicks zul
luo jun: after eyebag, then become wadd?
zul : ohh it will proceed to become eye luggage den after A's it will be eye cargo.*pokes zul HARD
luo jun: ehh, then u can smuggle stuff in urr eye cargo. FINALLY, nana has some use.
nana : NOT FUNNY. *im ignoring the fact that all the other guys + MARIA are laughing.

something clansdestine:
this policeman promised to patrol my house 24/7. anyone else wants his service? HAHA.

im always in a daze- about you.

2007-08-26T18:53:00.000+08:00

dear dementor,
you've just crashed all hopes of me mugging in the sanctuary i call my room. i'd like to express my heartfelt thanks to youu for making me and mar and luo jun and zul clock in 3 hrs EACH day during the study leave to practice maths under your nose. this goes to show how much you trust us (actualli, me only). RAAH!!!
love, nana.

zul: what's confusing?
mar: huh?!
zul: maria's power! sai-ai-ai..
*maria kills zul

my partner in crime against DEMENTOR.

2007-08-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

im going to tell a story of my two dearestest friends who are getting married.

once upon a time, the paths of two lonely beings crossed when they came to naval base secondary school. they lame-d, random-ed, merepek-ed together for FOUR years.

finally in the sixth year of their friendship, he decided, "she's matang enuff to be my wife." and she decided, "he's random enuff to be my husband."

so they decided on their wedding date over swensen's ice-cream (BUDGET!)

and then, they went on a shopping spree to get their wedding stuffs. and then...

UH-OHH! overbudget! how??

nehhmind, super calculator coming to the rescue! so, faiz went on calculating.. so, he calculated.. and calculate summore...

ohh. tak over budget luhh. to be continued...

i want this feeling to stay; i want YOU to stay.

2007-08-11T08:34:00.000+08:00

Leo - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're almost always the center of attention - and easy for potential dates to spot
Your happiness and optimism is appealing to all... and contagious!
You don't hold grudges - getting over little fights is no problem for you

Your negative traits:

You tend to ignore relationship problems, until they are too big to handle
You crave luxury, and you are disappointed with partners who can't provide you with it (BEDEK!!!)If someone does you wrong, you'll coldly and cruelly break their heart(NOO! im the one heartbroken!)Your ideal partner:

Someone high status(i don go fro money okayy!) enough to bring you more attention - but not so great that they upstage you
Makes you laugh and brings excitement to everything you do together
Is aggressive and confident enough to butt heads with you every so often YES!
Your dating style:

High expectations. You need to be impressed with an incredible first date for a second one to occur.

Your seduction style:(this is not true, really!!)
You like to make the first move - you're fearless about initiating things
Passionate. You really get into any intimate act.
Aggressive. Most of the time, you find yourself wanting sex more than your partner.

Tips for the future:

Try to not need so much attention. You'll feel less ignored, guaranteed.
Learn to love your partner for who they are(I DO!) - not how they help advance your life.
Let your partner shine occasionally. You don't always have to be the alpha dog.

Best color to attract mate: Gold

Best day for a date: Sunday

What's Your Love Profile?

2007-08-11T07:37:00.000+08:00

its been ages since i updated and i think im beginning to lost touch. HAH! the start of cretinization. well, well. been too busy storing info into this tiny weeny space i call MY BRAIN. its a laborious task, trust me. i bet im turning people off bcos my smses all says, "sorry, im studying. puhlease sms me back 3 years later." which is a good thing on my part; i managed to fend off some people who are in a constant pursuit of entertainment, and thinks im one such girl. or some who thinks im their wifey-wifey. or some who STOOD ME UP! sorry okayy, i live only once, there's NO way im making such mistakes. does it feels as though im talking? maybe uhh. its early in the moring and im more of a afternoon person(is dere sucha thing?). so back to turning people off, i only reply to IMPORTANT, SELECTIVE people such as DINA, MAR, FADZ, FAIZ, MOTHER, HASIF(if he EVER msges. im still angry) and some others. if urr not in the list, dun bother okayy. unless urr dying, dun waste urr sms. i sound like an anal-retentive bitch but a girl's got to do what a girl has got to do.

its funny how some emotions work. like you think it has vanished and denn after some time, your back to square one. and, how much i HATE being in square one. its like what dina says. its the comfortable and secure feeling that wont go away for long. it comes back and stays for even longer. but no matter how much i hate it here, i kinda of like it too. nonsense? i know, but its just it. never mind about it.

went for dinner at sakura the other day. okayy waayy waayy the other day. its obvious that all 3 of us were depress about the same thing. HAHA. but as always, we ALWAYS have fun. its a good thing we live near each other so its not a hassle if one of us or in this case all 3 of us need an alley to let go of things. well, that's what friends are for :D

see. we ARE depressed!

then last weds, went out with fadz, dina and mar. 'pre-bdae' teatime! fadz spilled some sauce in his shirt, but mind you, it was the size of singapore on the world map. BUT he cant seem to live with it, so we went to topman to grab another shirt. haiz, the lifestyle of the rich and famous. HAHAHAHAHAHAA! im waiting for the adidas jacket. HAHA.

after fadz went for work, the girls, us, went shopping at bugis. and by the time we finish circling bugis, we were walking aimlessly, wherever our leg takes us. so we decided to take NEOPRINT, our style! HAHA, it was touch and go. adn all the time, we were hurrying, in fear we'll get caught. funny.

ohh ohh, go listen to ungu's latest: kekasih gelapku. PANAS!

2007-07-29T12:10:00.000+08:00

i've got nothing else to say - my expression says all. how naive and stupid i was to think that you're over the whole thing. now i know better, your in-between was really an in-between. and you use to talk about pride. where's your pride now? after everything the thing - i refuse to think IT as a human - had said, it still doesn turns you off? god, what is wrong with you?! i was there for you when your world came crumbling down. i was the one who answered your midnight calls, without hesitations. and no, this not about getting even. its about sorting you out. so tell me, am i suppose to be there again when the cycle repeats? whatever dude, its your funeral.

i feel as though im pregnant with hulk's baby. and everytime i try moving, the baby kicks my head. i wonder how.

2007-07-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

they're my pick. over anything else.

the bachelorS :D

this is love.

when i thot everything is over, history repeats.

2007-07-10T20:07:00.000+08:00

oh why you look so sad the tears are in your eyes come on and come to me now don’t be ashamed to cry let me see you through cause I’ve seen the dark side too when the night falls on you you don't know what to do nothing you confess could make me love you less i’ll stand by you i’ll stand by you won’t let nobody hurt you i’ll stand by you so if you're mad get mad don’t hold it all inside come on and talk to me now hey, what you got to hide i get angry too well I’m a lot like you when you're standing at the crossroads and don't know which path to choose let me come along cause even if you're wrong i’ll stand by you i’ll stand by you won’t let nobody hurt you i’ll stand by you take me in into you darkest hour and I’ll never desert you i’ll stand by you and when, when the night falls on you, baby you feeling all alone you won't be on your own i’ll stand by you i’ll stand by you won’t let nobody hurt you i’ll stand by you take me in into you darkest hour and I’ll never desert you i’ll stand by you oh i’ll stand by you i’ll stand by you

2007-07-08T17:25:00.001+08:00

OMG. im in lovee. so so so so so in love. nothing in the past can beat this.

WELCOME TO THE WORLD, NUR ALEEYA ILYANA BTE MUHD NORAZMI!

and yes, you've captured my heart :D

isn't she the cutest? aww. she's gonna be gorgeous one day.

remember this? aleeya's proud parents: kak julie & abg azmi

spent yesterday and today preparing for aleeya's kenduri cukur rambut. and somewhere, sometime in these 2 days, i realise there's more to life than eye candies, boyfriends and all the other nonsense stuff i brood about. if i look hard enough beneath those superficial nonsense, i'll find a love, so sincere and genuine; that i'll never trade the world for. its something that soothe your soul, and calms the mind. and i know now, that i'll never look back, wishing i could change things. all i've got to do is look forward, because these people have got my back.

boyfriend & love? well, im still 18. it'll come when its due.

there. the ever-groovy, newly-knighted aunts and uncle. well, half the strength.
3rd row(left to right): wak iwan, wak nabila, mummy ain
2nd row : mummy kina, mummy huda, mummy er, muumy lin

NUR ALEEYA ILYANA, may your life be blessed His love and our love. insyaallah.

note to self

2007-07-06T10:58:00.000+08:00

exams are FINALLY over. woohoo! now its the excruciating wait for results. so since exams are over, i treated myself, NO, ifa treated us to dinner. did i mention that she's flying for silkair? and that she's absolutely gorgeous now. dinnered at tong seng(!) wif the pretty dina, gorgeous ifa, cute babyD and weaponbag-ed faiz. HAHA.

im suppose to wear corporate attire on monday. we're having this grooming and etiquette stuff. BUT i dont knoww what to wear. HOW? and i definitely cant shop because im broke ): HOW NOW BROWN COW? can i just skip school? pfuit.

will youu stay with me? because i want someone who actually sticks around for awhile.

thru my eyes

2007-06-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

i know i haven't been blogging in awhile, or if i do, its mostly pictures. in snapshot, mid-year's sucha bitchh. but of course, there's the OLD saying, its for your own good. yea right. apart from that, things haven't been smooth-sailing lately. in a twisted chain of events, summer's love(!) ending with summer. and fall doesnt look good either. and im still trying to find myself.

i dont understand why im feeling this way, and i dont feel like trying to understand. its like fixing a jigsaw, only to find a piece missing.i wish i could let it out. make someone understand me, then tell me why im feeling this rottten. i want to cry; alone. this this emotion is weighing me down, and i cant comprehend why. im still feeling the heart-burn thing at the mere thought of whatever it should be called. and i shouldnt be.

the whole encounter got me hanging from a thread. i don't know what's next. am i going to be delirious, or will i just spent the entire day second-guessing, and getting all wound up. i wish i could say it was stupid. and i wish i didnt fit the description. i wish i was tan. i wish i didnt look like a chinese. the whole affair, it was a mistake. and im all messed up.

back to basics. the people who really matter.

first, we'll compare mar's and my sastera text.SPOT THE DIFFERENCE.

plus, she got me laughing during sastera paper. with her ASO ALI ANA EPI & HI PER whatever. if i do badly for that question, its because i spent my energy trying to supress my laughter.

dina's rudolph now. and her wedding is tomorrow. and she invited me to the hotel reception. not the bawah block one. AWW.ohh, and she's marrying jackie. i don't know with chan or no chan.

and i miss the time when my feelings were hardened that it was difficult for me to feel anything. the time when emotions dont exist. because i felt it was easier to hate the people i love most. then, i wont feel this way. maybe im just selfish.

2007-06-30T13:22:00.000+08:00

why do i feel as though my heart got burned after reading the message? crap. maybe its because i was wishing for it to be true.

2007-06-29T23:47:00.000+08:00

i had a date tonight. a HOT date. with FAIZ. nyahaha.

dont you think he looks hot?

miss youu people luhh :D

2007-06-15T18:04:00.000+08:00

went for dinner at sakura with dearest dina and fadz. here's what happened. fadz freak the waitress out, "thank youu fazlina", she wont serve us after that. dina's secret crush is out! now, the waiter knows that dina thinks he's cute, after fadz's help. HAHAHA.

she was grinning from ear to ear (think mojo JOJO)

next time, i'll bring my visa okayy :D

dina's kicking my foot because i have yet to tell her the reason for my smiles, and ohh, because my phone was ringing more than hers :P next time babe, promise! aniway its not sucha big deal unlike YOURS. she's wearing yellow next time. because its SOMEONE'S mum favourite colour.

sidenote: apparently, im high maintainance. shaddup, youu dont even know me to jump to that sort of conclusion. im washing you off.

2007-06-12T20:03:00.000+08:00

HASIF! where are youu? you're suppose to be my number one irritator (is dere such thing?)! yes yes, i miss youu. i'll wait wif a heavy heart till we meet again. under the lampu bawah blok. and our plastic cup of honeydew milktea :D well, lets not get all flattered out. tts for saying im pretty. or prettier than YAH, YOUU KNOW WHO ;P

its been crazy. whats with all the cramming session. i need a massage. BADLY. ooh, shopping's a great therapy. it soothes the mind, calms the nerve and burns your card. HAHA. just dont ask how much i spent in the past week. i'll cry.

ohh. dear fadz,

:D

2007-06-06T18:38:00.000+08:00

and its bithces united on monday.
poof! we're exposed((;

because LJ love us,

and its parental-free sleepover
wif the gorgeous mum-to-be

satday's blistered love.
zara, zara, youu didnt blow us away.
thank god for CUTE bag-counter boys

love, shopaholics

my babe's rite, love dun get me. take this, and shove it rite up your ass. i know urr reading tis. and get tis clear, its INFATUATION. whatever youu have to say. like how IM promiscuous. oops, my bad. sorreh i didnt tell youu. well then, so long.

2007-06-02T12:53:00.000+08:00

its supposed to be a holiday. as in no school.BUT for some lucky people, there's no difference. GAAH! and so, whilst in this farfaraway kingdom, i was rudely interrupted by the deafenin screams of avril's hey hey, you you. well, well.. girl, interrupted. why ohh why must there be a make-up tutorial at 0800AM ( puhlease note that today is a SATDAY), WEEKEND summore. ohh, AND its the dreaded maths. i must be looking like a million bucks, because i was greeted by a chorus of "there she goes, there she goes again..." feat dearest CT boys.

the boys and myself had the usual round of heehaa-ing to avoid the inevitable act of dozing. realise that its only ME and not 'the boys, mar and me'. because she woke up late, hence she didnt come, hence she left me by myself, hence i got stuck with the boys, hence i was constantly poked. thanks mar((: OHH OHH, look fuzz! you've got your own theory!

because you told me you'll stay. well, you've humoured me that far, and all i want are answers to these posers lest it'll become nothing more than mere braggadocio.

2007-05-29T19:20:00.000+08:00

random, even wierder pple have been calling me and chatting me up on MSN. how they got my contact, remains a mystery. THIS IS SCARY. then, now how? my theory was my no is circulating in some institution. i mean the only person i know from there is my cousin, and she had since graduated. so WADD??!! who? and this particular guy TOLD me that i didnt have a boyfren. see, i use the word told, not asked. creepy. i've got a stalker! OHH NO! samir, HELLPPP!! (only because he's enlisted as a police for NS).

ohh, and the other one was from MSN. don't ask why i accepted his 'invitation'. i know tis is silly, but i thot i knew the person who added me. i mean, you only add pple on MSN if they're really urr frens rite? not some silly-billy-googoo strangers. so i accepted. BAD MOVE. sheesh.

2007-05-25T19:06:00.000+08:00

ohh pretty CT mates, all the best for gp tomorrow. its morphin' time. yes yes, i had a gigglish adventure with youu boys.

now, if only i can finish watching Sleepers, this not so recent movie featuring BRAD PITT. hokayy, so brad wasn't really the icing on the cake. it was the whole plot and grusome potrayal of this boy's home in the US. like how cruel and nasty these people can go, treating the inmates as though they're lower beings. actually, the movie was suppose to be a prelude to 'get ED!' seminar - a crime & punishment seminar by GP department - like whether criminals are criminals by nature or nuture. and the whole science and economics behind crimes. it was a momentous event, seeing that tomorrow is my gp paper!! ohh tidakk...

gp, gp. youu make me go woa.

2007-05-20T19:10:00.000+08:00

year 2 is really taking a toll on me. and im only halfway through. AND its not even the crunch period yet. let's hope i'll survive in one piece by the end of the year. ohh, and bein a retard in maths dont exactly make time fly slower for me to catch up. and to prove my point, i spent the last 48673950685 hours doin maths, at the end which, most of the questions are half complete. pardon me for being a maths idiot. at least im trying. and i have my batman, jerry to save me. and his robin, yazid. i hope.

on a lighter note, LOOK!

AWWWW:D

2007-05-19T17:50:00.000+08:00

10 things i'll miss in meetings:
1. mother's "assalamualaikum"
2. my 'screwed up' face
3. the 'she's-so-bossy' looks i get
4. deen's random comments
5. mother's sacarsm
6. mar's blurness
7. ama's and zul's constant bickerin
8. ama, deen and zul nonsense which digresses attention away from the agenda
9. mother's "da habis?"- directed to ama/deen/zul/all of the em'
10.everything and everything((:

touchy-feely as it is (fine, mine was), penabalan went smooth-sailing. the j1s outdo themselves this time and made it a smashing success. YAY KORANG! the true test for me now is to learn to let go. no, rather, i've let go. its up to them to continue our legacy(; one word of advice, being a leader is not always "ok, go!", sometimes its "ok, lets go!"

perbayu exco 2006/2007 and 2007/2008

perbayu exco 2007/2008

my mats and minahs

my SUCCESSOR. yay fid!

2007-05-14T17:05:00.000+08:00

othello was heavenly bliss(: espically cassio aka sharavana. he made the entire theatre fall head over heels with those lustful eyes. its the costume.

kudos to casts and crews of othello, especially PHEE & IZEEN ((:

2007-05-08T22:04:00.000+08:00

how beautiful people in your life can colour your day! BRUNCHER (breakfast+lunch+ dinner) was LOVE(: lets do it all over again. again. again. YAY.

OHH. my class did the oscar career thing-y, and one of my future, POSSIBLE job is a specialist for fire and rescue (STOP LAUGHING!). and, the guys just had to comment on HOW i'll do in this job.

nana : maybe i can do the specialist, fire & rescue. cool seyy.
zul : yahh, den you're the one GETTIN rescued rite?
nana : -____-"
luo jun: YAHH. cannot make it luhh you. you'll go like, " eyy. how to on the water
hose?" "don't spray water at me! later my hair wet!"
nana : SHADDUPP!
zul : or you'll paint the fire engine truck pink with red hearts. no nana.
nana : ROLL EYES

so during the train ride back home, i asked fadz and mar whether its really true, what the guys were saying. i mean, i cant be THAT bad rite. and being TRUE friends they are, all they did was to give me a 'YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING". TANX guys.pfuit.

this blankness is blissful.

2007-05-01T19:27:00.000+08:00

sakeena: tranquility
naseeha: purity of the heart

i found this list of characteristic of a person relating to month of birth on the web. it was based on a study done by Dr Fadzilah Kamsah.

august:
- suka berlawak do lame jokes count?
- mudah tertawan padanya :DD
- sopan santun dan mengambil berat terhadap orang lain
- berani dan tidak tahu takut errr...
- agak tegas dan bersikap kepimpinan hell yeah
- pandai memujuk orang lain youu've got to be kidding!
- terlalu pemurah dan bersikap ego how did he know?!
- nilai harga diri yang sangat tinggi
- dahagakan pujian
- semangat juang yang luar biasa
- cepat marah dan mudah mengamuk well, i don exactly throw tantrums but...
- sangat cemburu
- daya pemerhatian yang tajam dan teliti
- cepat berfikir the makings of an intricate fool- fikiran yang berdikari
- suka memimpin dan dipimpin
- sifat suka berangan *smiles sheepishly
- sangat sensitif tetapi tidak mudah merajuk
- cepat sembuh apabila ditimpa penyakit
- belajar untuk bertenang
- sikap kelam kabut
- romantik, pengasih dan penyayang
- suka mencari kawan

what's creepy is that its 98% true. but well, this is just half of me. the other half is much, much more complex than this.

im fine with the way things are. this emptiness is a haven.

2007-04-29T12:33:00.000+08:00

hello. welcome to nanyang junior college's 30th anniversary((:

we have performances by:

perbayu dancers aka sensational beauties (;

the Bunga Telor Boys. they've officially melayukan the school. YAY. they played a new remix version to welcome the GOH, shanmugaratnam. and, they actually pulled it off. no, that's an understatement. they blew us away. good job, pretty boys((;

future stakeholders of Perbayu Nanyang? OHH TIDAAAK!!

reliving our childhood days. we were more afraid of falling rather than being hit by that thing. HAHA. OHH. and we were laughing and giggling and screaming more than actually hitting each other. in the end, no one won. hokayy, maybe i won because she screamed more than me((;

THANK YOUU> puhlease come again((;

HAPPY ONE-YEAR AMA!!and, yes, she's a bimbo-bitch. HAHA.

2007-04-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

there is SOO much going on inside. twisted. pfuit. i wish i could dissappear. i want to go far, far away where no one can find me. where i can shun myself from the world. so there's no such thing as emotion.

2007-04-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

ohh, bugger. virus is killing me. im giving the impression that green is the new pink. hell, im making gringe look better. go away flu. go hop around somewhere else.

maria, at her tallest. HAHA.

the more i try to toss it aside, the more it'll haunt me. might as well face the music. denial will get me nowhere. i need time.

2007-04-21T07:37:00.000+08:00

its effingly early and already my mind is playing games with me. how i wish i can shut whoever the person is that is mumbling all kinds of nonsense into my head and making them seem real. whatever. really, whatever. i dont seem to be caring much these few days, and my temper's getting real short. so, all the best missy. i just want to turn back the clock. is that wrong?!

school has always and will always be disgusting. you're either good at everything, a disaster at everything or specialize in some areas. and im in the 3rd case. so puhlease accept me for who i am and do NOT force me to do stuff that i cant and will not do well in. but, then again i made that choice. a bloody fucking BAD choice. whatever. there has to be choices made in life, and so far i've been making a hell lot of wrong choices. rot away. whatever. why do i keep saying that?

what is wrong with me?! i feel like taking a looong walk.

2007-04-18T18:31:00.000+08:00

ohh my pretty, sweet angel. you BLEW me away. HAHA. yes, yes quackie. i miss youu like WOA. im amazed at how those SEXY lips of yours STILL move at light's speed per second. she made the doctor-visit more enjoyable(; HAHA. ohh i miss those airheaded-NANA-ELAINE-QUACKIE-gigglish-myhumps-michaeljackson'smoves-highpitchscreams-reachoutforthestars days. things were sooo much easier and simpler those days. guardian angel, can youu turn back the clock?

so anw, quackie was singing to me Lil' Star by kelis THE WHOLE TIME. and i got the song in my head. typical. she used to, and STILL does that singing with her AWFUL sorrow-sorrow voice.

quackie:(singing-awfully) there is nothing special about me
nana : i know, quackie. accept the fact.
quackie: im singing about you.
nana : rolls eyes.

elaine. NANA. quackie

my stars

ohh tell me, tell me. how do i find my way back home?

2007-04-17T18:44:00.000+08:00

firstly, in repressing the bitter feeling in my gut. the kind you get when urr world's topsy-turvy. AND im trying to keep my composure(and prolly my reputation) from not putting on a teary show. how i feel? how i feel? hopeless. no, that's an understatement. what's beyond hopeless? hopeless hopeless. i might as well commit harakiri. its less painful.i never thought its going to be this hard. the fact that i had to arm lock myself to stop from reaching for my phone when the adults are having a screaming fest(bleargh!).

try, say you run away from home. thinking that you'll be better off because home is just, well, not working out. and then what? you have nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. not anymore under your duvet, because simply, its not there anymore. you cant bury ur face in the pillows and cry your heart out because YOU RAN AWAY. and then, only you realise that home had always and will always be the best sanctuary. maybe its nowhere near utopia, but you've somewhere to run to when your day turned out to be icky. or when... you just need a place to hear you ramble about nonsensical and precocious fears. or just someone to make you feel safe and keep your smile going. try asking me how it is. i just ran away.

do i feel hurt? more like disappointment. puhlease snap me out of this trance.

2007-04-13T22:22:00.000+08:00

Andainya ku pergi
Usah disesali
Kerana ku sangsi
Adakah cinta masih di sini

Andainya kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu
Ku pasti dirimu
Takkan tega melukaiku

Sampai bila akan begini
Menyimpan rahsia hati
Relakanlah aku pergi
Walau cinta masih di hati
Dan airmata menemani
Langkahku yang semakin tak pasti
Membawa kelukaan ini

Bila sampai waktu nanti
Ku harap kau kan mengerti
Mungkin bahagia atau derita
Takdir ku terima

Tuhan tunjukkanlah
Cahaya kebenaran
Kenangan bersamamu
Kan bersemadi untuk selamanya

again, i did it- the whole running away thing. its ostensibly a boon. thats why im feeling hungover-ed.

2007-04-09T22:16:00.000+08:00

i just read my past posts. from last year's. and guess what? it all revolves around mar, mar, MAR, MAR and MAR. god. how BORING can my life be? no wonder she's my lesbian honeyy. we're starring in a new movie, 'tentang dia part 2'. nyahaha. BUT that doesn't stop my UTMOST desire to murder her. for her incessant and nonsense 'lagu tiga kupang, saku penuh padi, enam ekor burung, masok dlm kuali'. BACHAIN. its STUCK in my head. GAAH!

anyhow. how ironic izzit that the same person can make you haff murderous thoughts, and is the same person who makes youu sick to the stomach wif laughter? yes, its YOUU! if i wasnt sane, i'll kill you for what you did.

its more than just a game for two.

2007-04-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

saturday

we buaya-ed our way through the afternoon.YAY. class outing's lovely. especially with NANA around. OHH. my 'good luck charm' worked! tanx ADEK! the croc didnt chase me *roll eyes.

OHH. she's single & available(;

croc's love

GOOD friday

friday lived up to its name. HAHA. so i didnt study. guilty pleasure. GAHH. went to al-majlis wif cousins. it was ohhsofabulous. lets do this again boys! OHH. actually they wanted shishaing BUT sorry babe, youu're underage. well, except for one.

told youu. i went out wif BOYS.

go go POWER RANGER!

i tell myself its okayy to move on. i don't have to be afraid and rest assured, there'll be something for me. yes, im looking for my complement. not temporal affair.

2007-04-05T23:43:00.000+08:00

no matter what i say, or how much i try, it never seem to make a difference. because in the end, its up to youu to answer the call or not. if only you'ed listen. and then i get myself hot and bothered, and worrying like a mother goose when DAMN, nana, youu know it at the back of your head that NOTHING will ever be in your favour. why bother, nana? if all isn't transparent enough, i've got nothing to say.OHH wait. i forgot, im just the rainy-day girl. get it, i SO get it. over with it. want to know how i feel? THIS is how i feel.

at least i can smile.

2007-03-31T19:46:00.000+08:00

what's the cause and effect sport's carnival? cause: because WE actually like havin fun being silly at times. effect: getting sunburned. and tanner. TIDAAAK! thank god i was the announcer, so the effect wasn't that overwhelming. but STILL. i hate gettin tan. gaah.

head cheerleader(me)and MY assistant. HAHA.

and so, while i wasn't raahraah-ing the crowd to cheer for their houses, i played the role of HEAD cheerleader for my class. YAY! 0636... all the way! *wink they couldn't find another person half as bimbotic as me(TANX GUYS!), so they rope me in even though i have duty.

izzit that easy to forget me? its okayy, i know im merely another girl. ohh shaddupp, misery sucha bitchh.

2007-03-28T19:57:00.000+08:00

monday was love(: we found a new genre of movie: romantic-scary. or whatever youu call it. i had to leave early though, had SKOOL the next day. wtf.

the whole lot of us

we went to eat at zamzam. somehow, this time, zamzam cheated our feelings because the curry tasted overburnt. GAAHH!

i think i look gorgeous here. no, its CONFIRMED.

i feel like a fool. it was the most inane act i've ever done. letting myself go like that, it was no doubt, nefarious. whatever. whatever. i just want to curl up and shut off everything. this feeling. this shit. EVERYTHING. the last time i felt this way was last tuesday. tsk.

2007-03-26T11:37:00.000+08:00

life isn't ver fair, isn't it? even when you tried, what's the chances of you attaining your goal? and for some, they don't even have to try. that's the difference between someone with a high IQ and an average one. simply said, between them and... me. the whole thing about giving your best shot and you'll get the reward is bloody fallacious. if you're destined to be a cretin, then you are. yes, i'm talking about you, nana bitchh. you should be sorry for who you are today. just a speck of dust in mounts of gold. die...

2007-03-25T01:25:00.000+08:00

im addicted to this song. sing along baby..

2007-03-25T01:08:00.000+08:00

tp's show yesterday was OKAYY luhh. but their dikir team is HOT. bila-bila tak ada kalah. super stoopid. HAHA. phil missed her chance with ikan todak. AGAIN.

i LOVE her

;nobody loves you like i do;

2007-03-23T15:13:00.000+08:00

WOOHOO. blocky's finally OVER. im going WILD. really (;

OHH. im lusting over this...

im comin for youu NEXT YEAR okayy. i'll ask my boyfriend to drive. HAHA.

according to my FORTUNE-TELLER, im going to marry him, TWICE. rabak..

set firdaus. i dun want to kahwin bawah block okayy. nyahaha.

2007-03-20T20:16:00.000+08:00

the last time i felt this way was when i saw them after a supposed separation. tsk.
blocky so far was.. yadayadayada. no one to blame except myself. whatever. TWO more papers to go. and i haven't studied sastera AT ALL. im going to use fadz's excuse, "sastera is heartfelt, cikgu." OHHNO. "sastera adalah sesuatu yang bermukim dihati, cikgu." can rite, fadz? HAHA. arrhh, deep shitt im in.

i realised(after an EFFINGLY loong time), that i spent practically the whole of last week in the malay room with mar, phil and ama. not that im complaining. although i could use with a little less of 'power naps' by phil. her 'power naps' are like POWER. and she's lusting over me, or at least whenever im using THAT perfume. my lips are dry, phil. i don't mind a lil help(;

cikgu suka main bola. hari-hari cikgu main bola(; its kinda surprising, but im proud of youu beb. maybe you look a lil kental luhh, but youu still managed to make heads turn. after ONE day. and we gave youu a week.

i havent been sleeping well. i need someone to teman me. any takers?

; im heading south ;

2007-03-16T16:27:00.000+08:00

the countdown to blocky begins. im suspending all social activities untill the 23 march at exactly 11 am. after which, im allowing myself to run wild for aprroximately 2 days- saturday and sunday. and then its back to hard core mugging. yes, i've realise that planning ahead is imperative. so that i can avoid last minute cramming and getting into sticky situation like NOW. think i'll stick to it? we'll see. knowing myself, i'll give it 50-50. HAH. ps: im supposed to be studying chem now.

i've fallen in love with 'way back into love' after watching music and lyrics. not only is the music lovely, the lyrics means hell of alot to me. being a rebound... well, lets just say, i've had better times. there's a difference, you see, in 'i need you to be there for me' and 'i'll come to you when my world is topsy-turvy'. whatever. i shan't dwell. im not some 'rainy-day' girl( as someone puts it). im hoping your reticence means you understand my stand. sorry, but its a 'take it or leave it' situation. SEE, im able to withdraw myself from the quagmire of affection gone wrong.SEE.

whatever. really, whatever. OHH. i lost 2kg since monday. which according to some experts, is not good. because im under stress. am i stress? no luhh. bedek seyy aku stress. anw. theres no reason for me to be pessimistic about anything, now that i've cleared the freak event. okayy, stop lying to yourself bitchh.

whatever. studying chem now. stoopid blocky. RAHH.

2007-03-14T19:31:00.000+08:00

GO WATCH THIS!! lovely, baby..

and then listen to the song, way back into love.

2007-03-14T19:08:00.000+08:00

is love,
accepting every lie and deceit, pretending you believe whatever he said, even when you know that the reason he was late was because he was with his EX. and when he comes, rushing saying "im sorry dear, i had to run some errand for my mum", there was a moment- split second when you actually believe him, and all that you saw was just an illusion. and when he lands a kiss on your cheeks, you truly believe that what you saw was an illusion. untill, later, alone, you realise that it wasn't mere illusion. if that is love, i'd hate to know what hatred is.

think i want this?

2007-03-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

i hate uncertainties. i hate it more when i thought i had the world under control but in reality, its all a jumbled mess. that everything was a 'supposed'. peer closely at me, and you'll see a gigantic question mark on top of my head. must i ask why when the reason is tangible to everyone's eyes. i tried.. i swear i tried.

but.. how can youu not love someone you've loved for soo long that even thinkin about not loving them is impossible. just allow me to immerse myself in thoughts of youu. that's all.

2007-03-11T16:52:00.000+08:00

"when was the last time you did something for the first time?" yesterday. and hey! i think i performed the task well. perhaps not in the most elegant manner, thanks to my language, but definitely gracefully. alhamdullilah, GPA ended off with a BANG. it was, to say the least, superb. WEEE. im proud of myself. yay NANA(:

went dinnering at J8 wif(brace urrself, its ALOT) mother, mar, phee, deen, syimah, ama, clubber, nenek, mard, khairul, haikal, azri, zul and kecik. tapau-ed food and went to the rooftop for gang-bang(HAHA!) session. haven't laughed that much since god knows when. we were in high spirit and so, laughter was infectious.

kudos to my excos, for your dedication and hard work. WE did it.
a plane full of hugs and kisses to my minahs esp SYIMAH and phee.
my stage team: khairul, phee and fid. youu guys rock my boxers.
to my seniors who came down and help, THANK YOUU for your constant support.
special mention for fadz. thanks for doing all that youu did.
my dearest J1s, thank you, thank you, thank you.
to eveyone else who helped in a way or another, TAHNK YOU!!
and finally, to my president, soulmate, mother, no other words except I LOVE YOUU!

2007-03-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

exciting events of the day:
1. mother was on crazy mode, so had a wonderful time slacking.
2. filzah broke my classmate's finger. DEJA VU. while playing netball summore.
3. had chemistry SPA, which i screw up.
4. bumped into my hantu- khairul, at np's foodcourt. he was with 2 girls. WTH. he's not even hot luhh.
5. dina called just to INFORM me that she finally managed to talk to the new guy next door. at her workplace, i mean. AND in the process, made me famous for a whole 10 secs when i screeched a "WHAAAT?!". ohh. and also whenn i was laughing at her. it looked as though i was laughing ALONE, because i was using earpiece. THANX DINA.

ohh. im BLOODY tired. and tomorrow's full dress. and just as it is, people are giving us problems, and excuses and yadayadayada. tanx for taking advantage of me. i appreciate the gesture.WTF. STRESS!!!

2007-03-07T10:43:00.000+08:00

intriguing isn't it, how one event in your life is a prognosis of the next one to come.mulling over whether its fate, or MERELY conincidence won't help solve the issue. neither does crying a river help. or havin a shoulder to cry on. it'll only weaken your innate ability to be independent. trust me on this; been there. done that.

as for now,i've come to terms with the fact that my age doesn't allow me to perform such radical acts. well, if age is MY limiting factor, then im sorry to say that altruism is YOURS. how i wish, theres a single bone in that body of yours, that is not a money-minded monster. your actions hurt me in the past, and its perpetuating till now. your 'change' and the whole 'turning over a new leaf' is fallacious. as harsh as i may sound, your mere presence obliterates peace.

OHH. im all for jakarta, ibu.

my SUPERWOMAN.
;its your soul that i love;

2007-03-06T10:55:00.000+08:00

my DATE at secret recipe.

he thinks he's MR HUNK.

anw. my life's a messy pile of nonsense now. and no, no one cares. not even me. why bother right? my opinons doesnt matter. and of course, i tend to let my emotions run wild, therefore not able to make sound decisions. shaddup. SHADDUP.

asylum seems like a sanctuary.

2007-03-04T18:54:00.000+08:00

they underwent metamorphosis. SWEAR.

i love youu, dina. no matter whaat.
now, presenting... FUZZ!

its all about sugar, spice and everything nice.

2007-03-03T00:05:00.000+08:00

goodbyes are never easy. especially if you've grown close, that they form a significant part of your life. and when they leave, you feel as though a part of youu is missing. there's a gap, and only loneliness will fill it. BUT some goodbyes are merely temporary separation. it serves as an alley for both hearts to grow fonder, to learn the essence of missing someone.well babe, you're sure to miss me.

find someone else to open the gate for youu wenn you're late okayy.

and find another cheena sesat to be your angel-twin. HAHA

and find another congkak CHAMPION to beat.

to my dear hantu, KHAIRUL,
i'll still love youu no matter wadd bebeyy.

2007-03-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

aku tak mudah mengaku.. ku cinta.

2007-02-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

today was LOVE. you know youu'll be fine with these kind of friends around. friends who'll go to the very end with youu. i MISS youu people luhh. meet more often okayy.

dina: kipp urr laughter goin. it turns faiz ON.HAHA
hasif: hurry get urr license. i want to VROOOM wif youu. ohh. and wear long-sleeve okayy.
faiz: PEGI CUT HAIR LUHH!!

2007-02-25T18:59:00.000+08:00

ruang rindu- letto

Di daun yang ikut mengalir lembut
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada

Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi

Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada

Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu

whatever they say...

2007-02-25T00:10:00.000+08:00

i won't admit in having it. NO. i simply refuse to. I cant. It won't be me having it.

I just wish... i just wish they will stop clouding my mind with all the burdens. i have enough on my own without having theirs. call me a FUCKING SELF-CENTERED BITCH, but don't i have a right to protect my OWN sanity. ya allah... why is growing up turning out to be so tough. is there a hidden blessing behind all this? at this point, i don't see any. as far as what's tangible, its heading downhill.

behind a fabrication of smile and laughter, there is a weakening soul. one who crys everynight to sleep. one who wakes up in the middle of the night, crying. one who feels as though her tears are so cheap, they flow incessantly. one who keeps her guards up in front of an audience, but has clandestine affairs that is tearing her apart. one who had her life overturned, almost overnight. she is cheated by her own pretext. she is no longer strong. she's weakening. circumstances has drained all the strength that she had.

if only all this will end....

2007-02-24T00:01:00.000+08:00

okayy. where do i start? today has been disgustingly disgusting. its one of those days when i start to live in reality. no more neverland. and i realise tt he has returned the key to my heart. indeed, i broke free from his clutches. yes, i am. because i believe in the power of words, saying it out, makes it truer( is dere such word?). no buts this time, nana.

do i feel better denn? to some extent, yea. there's stiil a nagging thot at the back of my head though. tt if he comes back one day, when i've truly moved on, what am i suppose to do? DENN HOW? denn, i shall continue lookin forward. no backward glance. it'll discredit my efforts. yea, im moving on.

knowing why i fell out of love with him, is... no adequate words to express the feeling. mar told me, the feelin has been dere all along. i just have to be convinced. izzit true? but im not ready to say it out loud. i'll see how luhh. no, now, im not ready. but.. nvm.

2007-02-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

when people do stuff to youu, youu'll do all you can to retaliate and defend yourself. rite? wrong. i take in everything. and that's my flaw. i'd like to thank those who did all those stuff to me. especially you. youu know who youu are. THANKS a bunch.

i've told him a lot of things i don't usually tell others, except those i trust. in a way, he had wedge his way in, into my circle of trust. and here, is where i fall back upon, if my life crumbles. and i rarely shed tears in front of an audience. i do that only to people i trust and deeply love. if i ever come crying to youu, it means i trust youu enuff to know that youuu won't judge me by my tears. in a perverted sort of way, i've made him someone i could trust, and rely on. was this a mistake? no, it wasnt. untill now. untill when i could really use some support, he got into his head to perform something extremely absurd, and leave me. fine. go. i won't need youu.

then, why won't these tears stop flowing?

2007-02-18T23:43:00.000+08:00

You Are 25% Bitchy

You're a pretty sweet person, and you're definitely not prone to bitchy outbursts.Sometimes, though, you can't help thinking mean thoughts about people. But at least you don't act on them!

How'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/howbitchyareyouquiz/">How Bitchy Are You?

You Are a Total Girlie Girl

You love looking good, and wooing men with your womanly ways.You're so feminine, men are in awe of you ... which is a very good thing.

How'>http://ynr.blogthings.com/howgirlieareyouquiz/">How Girlie Are You?

2007-02-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

check tis out bebs.
http://www.happeepill.com/cartoons/enjetsemut/enjet.htm

enjoyy (:

2007-02-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

i feel bad for lying. but WADEVA. truth or dare doesnt necessarily have to be be total truths. partial truths are still considered truths wadd. HAHA. okayy, so fadz didnt get to do anything stupid. SHIT mann. wasted oppurtunity. HAHA. salute to LIM and SYIMAH. youu go bebs.

LJS's new worker: KHAIRUL LIM.

she ran out of cash to eat, so she picked thru the garbage. HAHA. dared to put her head in the garbage. lim's BRILLIANT idea. HAHA

ohh man. im dreading the day wenn we say our goodbyes. khabi alvida na kehna. HELP. HELP.

2007-02-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

faizcopycat. LALLALAALALA. tis was YESTERDAY.

2007-02-16T21:50:00.000+08:00

this is wadd youu get wenn youu bore 4 GORGEOUS girls to death.

new year's concert was tongtongchiangtonhtongchiang for all its worth. the BEST item is of course, perbayu's dance. BAIK MINAHS.

ohh. a lil thot. i swear i'll MISS lim. and his nonsense. puhlease dear god, make him stay. so that i can listen to his rambling about kak dc, kak hl and all the kaks. ohh. and so that the ONE day will come, where i'll beat him in congkak. aminn.

2007-02-14T20:26:00.000+08:00

Don't go. PUHLEASE. i'll lose my congkak-heeHAHA-iwantmoisturiser-cheena-googoogaaa PARTNER. sobsob. stay LIM. stay ):

longdistance ROCK my socks. as in indo-spore. HAHA. crap luhh biatch. RAHH. its hairwire up HERE. in my HEAD. down HERE. in my HEART.

kauterciptauntukku''

2007-02-13T11:52:00.000+08:00

my right RING finger hurts. sobsob

i miss 'heehawhawgoogoogaabangbang'-ing in school. sobsob

tmr's v-day, and i've got school. sobsob

eyy minahs. GANGBANG tmr! woohoo.

2007-02-12T20:42:00.000+08:00

ohh. i know its kinda belated but HECK.

MERRYMERRY 21st FADZ!!

2007-02-12T09:36:00.000+08:00

i read something amazingly sweet in dina's and hadi's blog. so its their 5th month of 'something'. or nothing. HAHA. okayy babes, hang in there, and it'll be fine. okayy, maybe not so fine luhh. but youu get what i mean. be optimistic. i trust hadi will bring dina to jalan yang benar. or dina will bring hadi to jalan yang benar. HAHA. go figure out yourself luhh. whatever it is, youu babes have mine and TAUFIK'S and ALAM SHAH'S and CHRISTIANO RONALDO's and ADAM BRODY's and PRINCE WILLIAM's (thats to name a few) blessings. keep spreading love. ohh and making love ((;

merrymerry 5 months babes ((:

2007-02-11T13:39:00.000+08:00

my mum got hospitalised. and my right, RING finger got fractured. tell me, HOW BAD CAN ONE'S LIFE GO? im practically useless cause any move with my right wrist will make me writh in pain. and with my mum in hospital, its not helping. im on the verge of a MAJOR meltdown, and i don't need any extra stress. on TOP of all this, i have TONS of tutorials underhand, and GPA planning. ya Allah.

in the form of paucity of sensitivity, i regret to acknowledge people's action which depicts a lack of empathy, and a plethora of KPO-ness. don't they realise the reality of the situation that we're in. there's such thing as BAD-TIMING. i know, witthout a doubt that 90% of the blunders, are his. and this whole charade is driving me nuts too. but its ME thats going through all of it. NOT them. they only see what's goin on. im the one, carryin the burden on my shoulders. i live with it. yea, i know there's NO way i can stop people's mouth from blabbering (without substance). BUT hell, please be apathetic about TIMING.

ohh. and congrats to khairul, fid, haikal, rid and the rest of my dearest HANTUs for the marvellous results.

and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DINA-saur!!!!

keep kickin ass, baby!

2007-02-01T11:09:00.000+08:00

im falling sick frequently these days. like now. im at home unable to get out of bed. must be because of the football FEVER. stay 10metres away from me okayy. i've got the whole works. cough, cold, tonsilitis, FEVER. i've been sneezing like nobody's business since yesterday, and my brother plan to send me for sneezing olympics. he said i can attain GOLD. idiot.

while im home recuperating, or at least trying to recuperate, i've got myself thinking about ALOT of things. well, its my FAVOURITE pasttime anyway. like how she can go ON and ON leading people. im not a bitch. im just concern about people's welfare. for one thing, SHE should say NO at the beginning if she finds him irritating or she feels GUILTY *rolls eyes* because apparently she has some long-distance thing with someone. messing with someone's feelings is the lowest ever thing a GIRL can do. flings are fine. but actually giving hope, THAT IS BAD. whatever luhh. its yourr funeral.

OHH. what i don't get is: why are they constantly assuming the worst (or the best) of every 'thing' i have with someone. excuse me, but we both know our limits. we just like hanging out together. THAT'S ALL. so what if i treat him a lil different from the rest. its my prerogative. i know where i stand, and he knows where he stand. we won't go overboard. unlike SOME people, we've got enough sense. flings are MERELY flings. call me flirt, i'll remain indifferent. anyway, those close to me knows. and that is all that matters.

'writting youu off...'

2007-01-31T20:50:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHER!!

may Allah bless youu. kisskiss

sayang-sayang selalu. ((:

2007-01-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

lions rock my socks. ROAR

go kick ass, noh alam shah!

2007-01-26T22:52:00.001+08:00

THE PLEDGE:

We the minahs of NYJC,
Pledge ourselves as one united congregation.
Regardless of, APPEARANCE, BRAIN CAPACITY and

SEX APPEAL,
To build a legion of bewitching babes,
Based on charm, chic n our undying desire for

attention
So as to evade:
THEfakes.THEdisgraced.and not forgetting THEblatant.

OUR VISION:

We are destined to live together on the same soil.
We harbour NO hatred towards YOU if YOU don’t harbour

any against us.
We, unlike YOU, are people who want to make

our presence felt; to be able to walk pass n get ALL heads to

turn, to pretend to love, but ONLY to hurt and raise our heads

up in dignity, in affinity, as minahs...
We wish to open a new chapter in this enlightening book

of OUR lives together – a chapter of mutual bimboticNESS,

of good LINGO, of mutual ELEGANCE, n of sole STYLE.
We hope to embark on a new era in the history of minahs.

THEminahs((;

' ' im searching for the key that locked my heart.'

2007-01-25T20:42:00.000+08:00

on an emotional roller-coaster ride. do not mess with my feelings. BANGBANG.

thinking happy thoughts, school has been GREAT. except for the 'chem sux toes' test, and 'maths sux fingers' test, school was fun luhh. ANW. i plan to be remarkable. so youu, SCOOT. OHH. and khairul started this stoopid thing of 'picture of the day'. moron luhh, LIM. my fone is his fone, apparently. HAHA.

khai's photo-taking skills

and the picture of the day...

tanx khairul ;)) *grins at mar

to mother, mar, khairul and firdaus: youu guys rock my BOXERS.

2007-01-22T22:18:00.000+08:00

aku seperti soldadu ketandusan. tidak pernah terlintas di benak fikiranku, aku jadi sebegini kerana kau. hatiku sentiasa tertanya, apa sebenarnya permainanmu? dan apa salahku, hingga aku diheret sejauh ini dalam teka-teki ciptaanmu yang tiada sempadan. jika kelukaan hati ini yang kau mahu, ternyata, kau juara. jika airmataku yang kau inginkan, ternyata, kau berjaya. kau menang! aku mengaku kalah. hanya aku rayu, lepaskan aku. tidak sanggup aku meneruskan perjuangan aku dalam perlawanan ini. tolong! lepaskan aku.

tired of trying;

sick of crying.

ya, im laughing.

inside...

im dying.

2007-01-21T20:16:00.000+08:00

NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.
NONSENSE.

SHADDUP!!!!!!

smell HER nike and HIS puma; denn LEAVE.

2007-01-20T23:44:00.000+08:00

haruskah ku mati by ada band

Bagaimana mestinya
Membuatmu jatuh hati kepadaku
Tlah kutuliskan sejuta puisi
Meyakinkanmu
Membalas cintaku

Haruskah ku mati karenamu
Terkubur dalam kesedihan...sepanjang waktuku
Haruskah kurelakan hidupku
Hanya demi cinta yang mungkin bisa membunuhku
Hentikan denyut nadi jantungku
Tanpa kau tahu betapa suci hatiku
Untuk...memilikimu

Adakah keikhlasan
Dalam palung jiwamu...mengetukmu
Ajarkanmu bahasa perasaan
Hingga hatimu tak lagi membeku

Tiadakah ruang di hatimu untukku
Yang mungkin bisa tuk kusinggahi
Hanya sekedar penyejuk
Di saat ku layu
Kusetia menantimu hingga akhir masa

2007-01-20T22:51:00.000+08:00

im suppose to be studyin chem but these thoughts keep running through my mind. i know i just have to write it off. beware. what im wrting maybe a lil too emotional. but then again, its my deepest thoughts. in nana's world...

i hope she will read this entry. because here, i want to apologize for my senseless, unthinkable move. i wasn't thinkin about her feelings wenn i suggested calling *****n. im sorry dearest. puhlease forgive me so i'll not be burdened by this guilt. altruism may not be one of my good traits. even with youu. how could i be so dumb? i was, without a doubt, a freak with no empathy for others. what he did to youu was unforgivable, and im not going to go blabbering on and on about his moronism because its a FACT. and i knoww it must be hurting youu. im just soo glad that it was youu. because you're soo strong. and more, because you're the only one who actually thinks. imagine it happening to me. i'll cause a tsunami. yet, i don't know the length of the damage.

what amazes me the most is that you never show your true emotions. but looking into your eyes, i know that it still hurts. your facade may not reflect your feeling. but your eyes reveal everything, sweetheart. because you're my best friend, and because i love youu to bits, i ache to see this. and i cringe more, knowing that i was the bullet astray that added to your pain. im sorry.

and yet, she's the one who made me think about my actions. about my reactions. as simple as saying, " cuz u sayang him ," she brought me back to reality about my true feelings. im still trapped in his shadows. his ghost still haunts me. and im unable to shake it off. REFLECT nana.

relaku menunggumu
seribu tahun lama lagi
tapi benarkah hidup
aku kan selama ini
biar berputar
ke arah selatan
ku tak putus harapan
sedia setia...

i guess moonlit kisses are fading and stars in heaven are falling. reality bites. god, why do these tears still fall wenn ive convinced myself that its over. no, it wasn convincing. i was actually just consoling my pathetic soul. and all those flings, it was merely FLINGS. the truth is, he locked my heart, and threw the key away. im unable to unshackle my feelings. ' wenn i fall in love, it will be forever.' HAH. nana, you're an asshole. what you wish, is what you get. and i NEVER want him to know this. NEVER.

' ' bangbang. he shot me down ' '

2007-01-20T08:50:00.000+08:00

while our spirits were HIGH and practically jumping out of our shorts, the sky just had to pour its guts and ruin everything. okayy luhh, not the soccer match but games day. sobsob. i was in the mood to kick ass and then games day was cancelled. pfuit! but watching soccer definitely pumped up the adrenaline and released the much needed endorphins, not mentioning the occasional "OHH. there he is!" *nudges ama. HAHA. okayy luhh, even though we lost 2-1 to this apek team, BUT it was only because the referee kayu! serious. he was evidently bias against my boys soccer team. and its not only MY opinion. it was unanimous among all the supporters , even the tutors that the referee kayu! RAHH. takpe boys, next time, we kick more ass. salute to youu babes. they really improved from the solo-play they displayed last year. and WOOTS. the j1s rock my socks. they're talented.

to mubarak, haikal, danial and ALL ny soccer guys: youu guys rock mann!!

OHH! my undefeated champion title for congkak was snatched yesterday. the reign now goes to khairul anwar lim. TANX LIM! @&^$&%@*)%)*%&^*)*)@*$$. we'll meet again. and STOP bluetoothing urr mepek songs to my fone. my fone is influx with URR songs! ohh. and i know urr 'mak' joke already. HAHA.

shaddup, LIM.

mother: HAFF FUN travelling aroung the mrt line. HAHA.

dina: TANX FOR URR CALL. it was a REFRESHING call. i just need to know that fact. BITCH.

' ' trapped in urr shadows.' '

2007-01-17T11:51:00.000+08:00

how some people scare youu is amazing. not generalising girls with THAT look, but she does look eerily familiar to someone whom i simply detest, loathe, hate.... (puhlease continue). as if that isn't enough to make me run 2.4km away every time i spot her, her walk, smile and GOD, everything has to remind me of the jablai. LALALALALA. okayy, but im not mean to actually bitch about her and stuff but DEJAVU. i can't help but to feel a sense of disgust towards her. and its because of some bad past relationship. with a girl. wtf. school politics sux.

dear Allah, puhlease forgive this wretched being named me for feeling such things for an innocent(MEBE) girl who has done nothing to harm me except cursed with the features of my nemesis. ohh, and dear Allah, puhlease also forgive me for using unrefined language frequently this few weeks. and for influencing the j1s into saying those stuffs. wait. one more. puhlease enlighten the j1s to not call me kakak. im not that old. and i dont wish to feel old. amin.

okayy, im cured.

ohh! i dreamt of someone TALL, DARK and HEMSOME. no dude, its not you.

he's not a conman. and he wont break my heart. he promised me.

2007-01-16T18:31:00.000+08:00

to ALL my ladies out there yo,
sink into life and filter yourself from conMAN
youu make me smile
youu spark my life with laughter
youu spread the infectious disease of LOVE
and for being who youu are
SAYANGS :))

DINA' without yourr constant nonsense, i'll never live for another day.
MOTHER' i'll crumble at my kness without your shirt to soak my tears with.
MAR' i'd be a lonely figure without my shadow.
PHI' youu definitely make me laugh with your gigglish nonsense.
SYIMAH' without yourr support, i'll be at my weakest.
DEEN' no youu, no eyecandies nonsense.
AMA' i'll lose my smile if not for youu.

'_____saYANG semuanya'

ps: heartbreakers, go jump in the lake. die.

2007-01-15T09:27:00.000+08:00

im heading towards depression. im giving up everything. and i have no idea why. my favourite phrase this season, "pasrah je uhh." watching people skipping into class as if they've got no worries or burdens make me ache. and i wonder, how can they be soo oblivious to their surroundings or am i just a worrier?

sometimes i feel like ending everything. really putting a fullstop. to life itself. since life is just merely a pit stop in this league of the race. GOD. i need help.

2007-01-12T22:19:00.000+08:00

call it coincidence. living up to our motto, 'one for all, all for one', we plummeted from the top of the world, to the very bottom- together. and it left us bleeding and broken. how ironical, when we thought we had it under control. when we thought all was fine and working. untill we realised the damage, then we gesticulate in the air with screams of SOS. i know too well that we're fabricating our features. smiling; laughing. and we're adroit at perfectin' that. untill someone comes along, and tell us that we're actually not all that good at hiding emotions. our eyes gave away our secret. our speech let the cat out of the bag. i hate this.

; its guarded innocence ;

2007-01-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

the next person who mentions my tired face, i SWEAR im goin' to kick him/her all the way to Australia. in other words, you're saying i look like SHIT. which is actually how i look right now. thanks to plethoras of tossing and turning in reticent. i need a sleeping partner. so i can sleep well. HAHAHA.

i received a NEW YEAR'S present. its:
1. gp test
2. chem test
3. bio test
4. maths test
all within few days of each other.

^%&^()_(*)&%^%$##%&*&*()*)&*()(* %$&*(&()^()
okayy, diamm! bitch luhh these tests. RAHH.

im stressed out. my hair commits suicide by jumping out of its follicle every time there's an announcement to WARN me about upcoming tests. by the time i complete my A's, i'll be bald. and then there's the other torture session. PE!!! grr. which according to dina, is a good thing because i get to turn guys ONN. shaddup luhh.

btw. nice meeting youu babe. i needed that escape. OHH. and stop being cold. warm urrself.

OHH. mother found her cinlok lookalike. *smirk. he IS adorable. okayy, shaddup nana.
RAHH. im stressing out.

2007-01-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

HOTT news off the press!! new addition to the family of slenges..

PRESENTING..

DINAwae aka SLOWBELO

LOVE youu babe :))

2007-01-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

today was officially my BIMBO day. *those of youu reading and goin "i think EVERYDAY is your bimbo day, nana", im SOO glad to have known youu* firstly, maths lecture was COLD. as in the theatre itself, the environment and the lecture. boo. i swear i thought it was -20 deg. my hand turned into ice. mar didnt haff enuff 'influence' to melt me. haha. so i conconcted a spell to make me warm next time.

"SPELL FOR WARMING"
cold, cold. ohh im soo cold.
puhlease ohh puhlease warm me.
lenghten my SHORT skirt.
and put me around HOTT dudes.
puhlease oh puhlease warm me.
cold, cold. ohh im soo cold.

COOL tak?? hahaha. BUT i spot a challenge. grr. how to put me around HOTT dudes when there are none in nanyang????? okayy luhh. not NONE but just a handful. ohh! but there's one who's ADORABLE. i dunn care if the rest of the population disagress with me. i really think he's cute. AND he talked to me today ;))

phy's 'scandal' is hot. i swear. but too bad. he's a j1. haha. paedophile phy. haha. and if he can't take a lil affection between girls, he can go jump in the lake. BUT okayy phy, credits to youu. haha. and STOP jumpin' around whenever youu see any of us.

phy+nana+mar= straight sickotics

2007-01-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

"semua yang telah berakhir
antara hatiku dan hatimu
takkan ada cinta
seperti yang dulu..."

well, self-explanatory. yea, whatever we shared, ALL has ended. im LEAVIN'. puhlease let me go. there was never youu in all these. it was only me, holding on to promise after promise. but i know its the way that i must live. even though its so unclear, so unfair. youu broke me down. pardon me for taking this path. all these has left me EFFINGLY hurt. die.

the only saving grace is that no one knows about this. NOONE knew that we met. NOONE knew that i was a fool to trust youu. NOONE knows that youu cheat my feelings. NOONE knows youu 'confessed' your love. NOONE knows that youu were lying through your teeth to me. your secret is safe with me. im just glad i pulled myself out before further damage is done. so puhlease, DEPART.

im going to be fine. i'll find a shoulder to cry on. i'll find a shirt to soak my tears with. i'll find a chest to bury my sobbings. i'll be fine without youu. i promise.

note to self: NANA, you're an IDIOT. hasn't hasif warned youu? IDIOT.

'i believed, and KEPT holding on. NOW, depart.'

2007-01-03T11:01:00.000+08:00

looking upon 2007

i shall:
:) be remarkable
:) strive to be an exceptional
:) curse without guilt
:) say NO when i don't want to
:) forgive fuggerS
:) forget sinnerS
:) redeem myself
:) continue bein' humble
:) get rid of my lazy bone
:) stop callin' dina a bitch
:) stop sendin pple random smses
:) not COPY anymore maths tutorial
:) stop letting pple copy my chem tutorial
:) let mar and memer lead a happy life and hopefully get marrried and get 13 kids
:) stop tormentin mother wif my stoopid smses
:) continue smsin' mother whenever i feel lyk it, which is every second
:) quit callin' pple by their nicknames tt i invented. lyk nenek and ngok
:) NOT flirt, just be friendly
:) stop wishin' i'm with HIM
:) be a better best friend to hasif
:) spend more time with hasif, whether he lyks it or not
:) stop remindin' hasif tt he misses ME
:) look beyond the superficial
:) try to atone for my wrongdoings
:) SOLAT 5 times a day
:) really, really study
:) stop thinkin' abt my social life
:) quit replyin sms from my OLD crussh.
:) hinder myself from saying 'yang' to everyone
:) ohh! get married to TAUFIK asap ;))

.'just when i thot youu had vanish, i'd think of youu'.

2007-01-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

i LOVE 2006 because....

beautiful people
:) hasif: closer than ever. yes, he's an ass at times(i mean it sif), but he's my pillar.
:) dina: strengthen our friendship. bitch that she is.. she's nice luhh.*winks. laughs.
:) mother: soulmate.
:) maria: my shadow. although i haff to share her with aameer now, i get her most of the time.
:) fadz: i know he's there.
:) phi, deen, ama, syima: without youu girls, i'd be rotting in perbayu room ;))

strength
:) ibu: nothing can match my love for her. ohh! puhlease increase my allowance.
:) sue: she has grown, both ways. and her hormones are RAGING.
:) azan: he is and will always be an idiot. CABOT YOURR BULU.
:) fouzy: he's my apple. and my durian.

nyjc
:) hate this place
:) at the same time, adore this place
:) stores half of my memories
:) and also a keeper of my curses.
:) two eyecandies still dun know tt im alive. ouch.
:) ohh! one has departed. to VJC. grr.
:) unfortunately, both are fair. so, TOO BAD.

jakarta
:) beautiful memories etched forever in my heart
:) intan: gwe sayang lho.
:) i left my heart dere. but i think it decided to return back to where it belongs.
:) laughter, tears, joys, pains...
:) miss sleeping with my roomies.
:) phi's orange MISADVENTURES.
:) ohh! mother stalks. laughs.
:) kiss upon my fingers. in the light drizzle. i'll never forget youu.

family
:) kak j finally married to her prince.
:) she's pregnant.
:) huda still attach to mat noor. i think they're gonna get married soon.
:) iwan said "sakina cantik".
:) the rest said "sakina prasan"
:) crusshh on huda's other cousin. he's HOT. and i still want him, huda.
:) nyai's still kickin'!

perbayu
:) can youu belive it? im vice-president! yay ;))
:) spurred my love for dance.

strangers who either became friends or fugger
:) areef: never fails to make me laugh.
:) nizal: youu're still my beloved setan.
:) aameer: thanks for the song.
:) sharin: i saww youu!
:) aizad: i miss yourr voice.
:) sameer: puhlease continue making me laugh.
:) fugger: fuck off.

all in all
:)single, and still KICKIN'.

looking forward to 2007. with loads of smiles, joys and kisses.
ohh! met my old crussh while out with family just now.
and were bermainin mata. laughs. i miss him. and he's prasaning.
NOW! that's a GOOD start to 2007.

2007-01-01T22:53:00.000+08:00

was yesterday really aidiladha? hmm. ANYWAY. had a great time at nyai's house. THANKS NYAI for the satay. it was undisputably the BEST satay i had in years. laughs. ohh! kak j's pregnant :))

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAIRI!!